Are Christian sexual boundaries a barrier for unbelievers?
There's a great story, told in the first person, about a young woman in San Diego who was baptized as a child in the Mormon faith, became an atheist through her college years, and softened to agnosticism. While she was pursuing her interests in evolutionary psychology, she began listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio and she was intrigued with the "voice of reason" so much so that she became quite conservative in her views.
God was moving in her life, but she didn't cry out to Him until a serious relationship malfunctioned, leaving her devastated and searching for answers. You can read her story, but basically her boyfriend dropped her when she refused to engage in premarital sex with him. Through her pain she reached out to an old friend who shared the message of Jesus Christ with her, introduced her to a book, The Case for Christ, and when she read Lee Strobel's description of the crucifixion and then the resurrection, she felt so powerfully God's love for her. It was the first time she knew what true love was all about.
As I read this woman's story of conversion, I was intrigued by her comment about premarital sex and the perceived barrier this can be to those outside the Christian faith:
I think that one of the biggest reasons why people in the west are opposed to Christianity is because of God's laws about sex. Because the experiences that I've had and the knowledge I've gained through independent reading and research, I am in a place where I have many arguments against having premarital sex that do not rely on saying "because God said so". My hope is that I can reach out to young women and appeal to their reason to help them establish healthy boundaries in relationships. If young women have other reasons for having these boundaries in place, they will have one less excuse for stepping closer to God.
What do you think? Do people who are expressing an interest in Christianity often bring up the subject of premarital sex? Maybe it's my age and there's been a huge cultural shift toward more careful sexual encounters among young people, but I've just never heard people talk about God's sexual boundaries being a barrier. I'm sure it's becoming more prevalent today, but this was the first time I've really read anything about it. I would really be interested in some feedback from those who may be working among students.
Giving up sex and smoking were both big for me when I was considering becoming a Christian. I was encouraged not to worry about those issues at the time though, and was encouraged to just seek God and trust Him to work them out later. That approach worked, but it irked a lot of Christians. The guy who walked w/ me towards the Lord caught a lot of flack for not making me renounce my wicked ways the second I confessed Christ.
I know sex is a big issue among some of the people I am reaching out to today. They won’t come out and say it, but they are hesitant about joining a Bible study, and I think a big part is b/c they are sexually active. I have even been tempted to say, “if you come to the Bible study I promise I won’t start telling you what you should and shouldn’t do.” I hope that they eventually join, and that they will get a chance to hear God’s word w/o immediately worrying about which “encumbrances He is going to free them from.”
I’m from the south and a believer myself. When i was in college, i done many things I’m not proud of. I drifted from God. i was in a pretty serious relationship with a guy I lost my virginity to at 18. I honestly loved him, but I don’t know if it was boredom or WHAT that made me cheat…I slept with 5 different people…halfway thru our relationship. Maybe it was because of my new found pleasure or freedom? That phase lasted about 2 months. He was a great person. It was after remorse had set it, several months later, that I realized there was no way I could keep lying to myself and be with him, knowing I did what I had. He was clueless. He still is. I broke it off after 15 months with an explanation he still doesn’t understand today. I told him I just didn’t feel the way I did when we were first together anymore. It was wrong for me to hide something he had a right to know but my reason WAS honest. What’s done can’t be undone, and i figured the only thing that would come out of me informing him of my actions was unnecessary pain.
It was an awkward transition how i met my current boyfriend. In the midst of me gradually distancing myself from my ex, a former co-worker of mine had become very close to me. I seeked guidance and someone to talk to, and he is your all-around great guy, a wonderful, dedicated Christian: charismatic, sweet, honest, straightforward, humorous, would do ANYTHING for those he was close to. I vented to him about EVERYTHING I had done. Slowly we became friends, then closer pals, dating, now in a VERY serious relationship. I’m 20 and he’s 27.
As of today, we’ve been together close to 13 and a half months. I don’t work with him anymore…but we’ve been living together for a year now…ABSTINENT. We do sleep in the same bed. It’s very hard for me, and I would NEVER dream of cheating or leaving him for it. He’s truly the best person I’ve ever known. Sometimes I just get frustrated and then just think of how selfish I’m being. Maybe it’s because of my age or that I’m “experienced” but some days I just get so annoyed. I’m not an aggressive person whatsoever so us fighting over THAT is not a problem.
I’m very shy about discussing such things with anyone but, being as close as we are, I decided to ask him one night a couple of months ago. We were laying in bed and he could tell something was on my mind, so hesitantly I asked “Why haven’t we had sex yet?” I burst into tears because I didn’t realize how it sounded until it came out of my mouth. He held me and comforted me and explained that I should know better than anyone that he makes mistakes and sins everyday but when it comes down to it, he always tries to do the right thing and he just believes that waiting is just the right thing to do. He said it’s a relevant question in today’s society ‘cuz we’re closing in on our one year bump. He’s only had sex with one person and it was 7 years ago. His relationship with that girl lasted 5 years, and she cheated on him the last year of it. So needless to say he’s VERY particular and cautious when it comes to his future and what kind of people he wants in it.
But more pertaining to the point of the page, i just want to add, sex isn’t everything but it IS something. Respect for the belief of someone you truly “love” should come first and foremost even if its not the easiest thing to stand.